sploosh and sizzle!

office parties can be rather strained affairs, especially if you are relatively new. you sit twiddling your thumbs and looking longingly at all the booze (cant get too drunk and do the hula with all the bosses around now, can we?) and make stuttering attempts at jovial conversations with your colleagues.
we had one such party a couple of days back.
now for all my panache and attitude, i am quite reserved and often socially inadept. i take painfully long to think of clever things to say and give a grand imitation of clam chowder when there are too many strangers around.
(un)happily for me, most people think i am a snoot and a prude and dont quite see all the knots that i have tied my toes into.
at some point of time early on in the evening, all the menfolk disappeared with rackets and wobbly paunches and gave a rather good pretence of knocking the ball around.

this left all the ladies-log bunched up together...
i noted with rising panic that the conversation veered towards kids and ladies things...
i made a few appropriate noises and looked at the swimming pool and sighed.
if only i could swim, no, no, lets be honest, if only i could swim and not look like a beached whale in a swimming costume (...if i could swim).

through some strange means of ESP, the thought seemed to have drifted through the air. some of the ladies-log went and sat delicately by the pool, letting their toes dip into the water.
several pictures were clicked at this point of time, all the classic poses, wind in the hair, ladies-log leaning all in a row, you know this stuff (ha! you have done it too! loser!).
i decided to do the whole bonhomie thing and dipped my toes in too.

then as if out of nowhere several of our male colleagues sprang into the pool, the pool was soon a melee of thrashing hairy, unconcealable paunches (and one or two hot-bods too, didnt notice them with their clothes on...hmm). the ladies-log promptly scattered, all squeals and panic, leaving behind my bum-friend and i.
we stared brazenly at all the men and shamed them into ducking into the deep end for cover.
and then some reckless, wild spirit took over us and we scrambled into the pool, fully clothed.

its not for us, this fragile-toe-dipping.
so picture this...
two rather rotund women, with big glee smiles, fully dressed, walking in neck deep water in a pool filled with men keeping a safe distance. we gathered quite an audience, the ladies-log looked on in horror, but we didnt give a damn!
it began to pour, it was awesome.
when our fingers had turned into prunes, we clambered out of the pool and gorged on hot mirchi vadas and sozzled some beer.

foresight is hardly something that i can lay claim for.
we sat in our wet clothes for the rest of the evening.

as the evening wore on, this dj came onto the floor. he had a rather dry style... he'd play a bit of a song and cut into abrupt silence, all the flailing arms and legs would stop, and then when people began to trudge back to their beers and seats, he'd pop a song in quickly, and everybody would run back to the floor again. people caught on soon enough and took to milling around, striking convincing james-dean-poses, even catching up on conversation and then jangling into a frenzied bundle in synch with the cranky dj.

then all of a sudden this re-mixed marathi number reverberated into the air, and the dance floor was filled with strutting, pelvic thrusting, frantic boys (little runts i have never seen before, sheesh, i work with these things!) doing a wierd mix of manoj bajpai, dada kondke and amitabh bachhan, all on crack.

en generale, i think everybody had a good time; just as long as they wouldnt have to slink by in shame the next day at work.

i notice that most people give me a large smile that falters at the corners these days.
in retrospect maybe we should have stuck to delicate-toe-dipping.
wisdom always works in retrospect.

what the heck?!
give me a pool and i am going slam dunk in it anyday, i am not wearing a little thingummy (this is how i am going to put it) because it is against my religion (challenge that anybody?), besides its a free country, and we are sparing you sights of the beached whale.

sploosh and sizzle!