sillunnu oru kadhal

‘sillunnu oru kadhal’, that’s what i am listening to.
let me translate that for you (you poor non-tamils), it means… a love that is (get this..) chilly!
no! not the mirchi chilly, the ice-cube-down-your-shirt chilly!
if this is not evidence enough that tamil should have been our national language, then i cant imagine what is (keep your heads down you north indians)?!

and this is how you need to say it, jiggle your bosom a bit on the ‘sillunnu’, do the whole, raunchy expression, sibilant thing on it as well, this makes it more authentic; it would also help if you had, big, flamboyant moustaches. no?, can you wear an ‘apsara-dress’ and spin a top on your belly then? no? sheesh! ok say it anyway!
when you get to ‘kadhal’, breathe out easy, hold that look, hold that look… breathe.

this is pretty much what i get to see on sun tv (and what else is mainstream entertainment but caricatures and stereotypes?). amma is hooked to the damn thing. ekta (freak) kapoor’s soaps are bad enough, now imagine all this shit in tamil, with maamis in silk saaris and enough jasmine flowers in their hair to neuter 20 skunks, young women in pavaadais (half saris) or salwaar kameez dupattas (dupatta arranged in neat pleats and pinned to one shoulder), doing the kolam (rangoli) on their doorsteps, listening to the suprabhaatam.
and if this is not bad enough, amma turns around,” how nice no? why don’t you wear salwar kameezes like that?”.

what is it with all these tamilians? and where the hell do they learn to speak like that?
for a long time, i thought all the dialogs that amma would fling at us were of her own creation, but no... the damn language is colourful, everybody in sun tv talks like this. let me give you an example, these are gems, ‘vairu gabagabane eriyerudu’, it means (literally) ‘my stomach is aflame (with anger)’, let me clarify this at once.
there is another priceless one, this she used when we wouldn’t wake up early, translated this goes, “are you going to sleep until the sunlight hits your ass?” this, i am not going to give you tamil words for (ha! not everything comes for free honey).

i also see that these tamil films have made some progress. the heros are even clean shaven these days and the heroines quite skinny and svelte (look what you bloody aryans did to us, we used to like them jiggly and thunder-thighed until you came along). but luckily you still find the 'apsara-dress' (remember? jaya pradha did a lot of this), and then there is this very tapori, raunchy dance that is called the 'dappanguthu'.
it is danced like it sounds, peppered liberally with a lot of thrusting of every part of the anatomy and that really lewd, sleazy, twisted-mouth-look.

so, 'sillunnu oru kadhal', isnt that terribly clever and cool? i like the way it sounds. erotic.
now can gulzar come up with anything close?
that proves it. tamil has arrived. i am very inspired.
i am going to tuck a roja poovu in my hair and eat idli sambhar everyday.